Handling the Manipulative Client

Abraham Lincoln once said he had anticipated most duties associated with the presidency, the exception being the innumerable requests made of him. He found these difficult to refuse and there was little secret in Washington about his dislike of responding with a “No.” Summing up his feelings he exclaimed, “It’s a good thing I wasn’t born a female, such is my inability to say no or to refuse any but the most blatantly dishonest request!”

President Lincoln suffered form an affliction common to many sales professionals–the inability to say no to a prospect, client or customer. After all, the customer is always right. Right? Wrong! If the client is trying to manipulate the salesperson, it’s wrong for the salesperson to act as if the customer is right.

Manipulation is a psychological defense designed to manage and control another person or a situation for one’s own purposes or profit. Healthy sales personalities avoid this behavior by developing their persuasive skills.

Many times the manipulator is the sales prospect, with the salesperson on the receiving end. In many instances, salespeople not only allow, but sometimes invite, manipulation. The cause? First, they are anxious to please. Second, they are afraid to offend. And third, their ego strengths may be battered. All three result in lower self-concepts. After all, with the pressure to perform from superiors, the last thing they want is to lose customers.

Further, salespeople are by instinct socially cooperative. Some social scientists argue that it is experience and training that shapes the sales personality. Other scholars are convinced that people-oriented personality types gravitate toward the sales field because of their inherent other-oriented drives. Regardless of the cause, two main factors prevent salespeople from being more effective at handling the manipulative client: (1) salespeople need and seek constant stroking, and (2) their greatest fear is that they won’t be liked.

In approaching the manipulative customer, it is little wonder that salespeople’s self-esteem is threatened and their anxiety level rises. Responding to the double threat, they tend to choose unhealthy defense mechanisms which almost always amount to explaining away failure. Healthy defense mechanisms protect the ego from unwarranted attack or ultimate rejection. An example of a healthy defense mechanism is the way a salesperson determines to solve the problem by renewing his efforts to remove or get around frustrating obstacles placed by the manipulative client.

The next time you visit a manipulative client, consider using the following techniques: (1) compensation and (2) assertiveness.

Compensation

The salesperson tries to offset a deficiency in one area by substituting a skill in another. For example, you want to make a sales presentation to a particular client but do not feel comfortable verbally communicating with him because of his presumed advantage with manipulating words. You might compensate for this deficiency by writing up your proposal, using flip charts and other visual aids as a means of persuading your client to make an affirmative decision.

When a customer is known to be prone to say no to nearly all proposals, you could get him in the habit of agreeing with you on several minor points before attempting your first trial close. Persuasion is your most useful tool against the manipulative client.

Assertiveness

A salesperson named Dow procrastinates in calling on Mr. Pessimist because when he leaves the customer he always feels worse than when he arrived. True, some sales have resulted from these calls, but Dow feels emotionally exhausted just by recalling how much these past calls extracted from him. Each week, he reassigns a lower priority to the call on Mr. Pessimist, promising himself he will get to it just as soon as he has the time. Dow suffers from low assertiveness.

Salesman Jones, on the other hand, considers Mr. Pessimist to be a typical purchasing agent, the kind who consume their young as hors d’oeuvres, saving their main appetites for the salesman entree! Nonetheless, he assigns Mr. Pessimist the highest priority on his list of “must call today.” He approaches the obstacle head on. First, he knows he is at his best early in the morning and can better counter the doom and gloom he will face in the presence of this customer. Second, rather than expecting to be manipulated, he imagines in his mind how he will skillfully manage Mr. Pessimist. The goal is not to change the pessimist’s personality. Rather, Jones sets the stage to allow himself to play the role of the professional salesperson he is. He will focus on the task, making the sale and leaving with his own ego intact, with benefits accruing throughout the rest of his day from his sense of accomplishment.

Rather than withdrawing, Jones goes on the offense with a task-oriented behavior. Because of his assertiveness, he also develops a healthier personality in the process, further complementing his role as a professional in the sales field.

The best way to increase your ability to handle the manipulative client is by relying on your own intuitive judgment: listen to your inner voice.

Make sure that you aren’t used–consciously or unconsciously–by customers who are nice people but who have emotional needs far greater than those you are prepared to handle. Being empathetic with an understanding and perhaps sympathetic ear may occasionally be required. Yet, make certain you aren’t mainly counseling (for which you aren’t adequately compensated) at the expense of selling (for which you are).

Learn from your own experience. Keep a diary and record how you handle manipulative clients successfully. Test new responses and techniques. Study and choose your response strategies with care.

Finally, don’t allow a manipulative client to decrease your self-esteem. Be firm and assertive and you will increase your sales success.

Dr. William D. Brown is a noted speaker and stress-management consultant. A clinical psychologist in private practice in Washington, DC, he writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column on stress and is a frequent contributor to Success Magazine.