Your Emotional IQ

According to Harvard visiting faculty member, psychologist, and author Daniel Goleman, whose book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (Bantam Books, 2005) shot to the top of the New York Times best-seller list and stuck around for 18 months when it was first released, “emotional intelligence” describes “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, discriminate among them, and use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions.” Sounds simple, right?

In fact, when salespeople and managers use emotional intelligence (EI) to close deals, that simple-sounding phrase becomes a powerful message. Once you know what it means and how to apply it, you can jump from average performer to sales superstar.

In fact, one company achieved impressive results by investing one year, five psychologists, and millions of dollars in the development of an internal training program utilizing EI disciplines and then rolling it out to field leaders. Participating regions enjoyed 11 percent greater sales. Managers who took the training program grew their business by 18.1 percent, compared to 16.2 percent growth under the untrained managers.

Second That Emotion

One reason for the interest in emotional intelligence is the changing marketplace. “The new economy is built on relationships,” said one EI trainer. “People don’t bring us in because they want employees to feel better. They’re losing clients, they can’t attract the best talent, or there’s a low level of trust among the main players in the organization. So they don’t have new products in the pipeline. Relationships dictate who owns the future.”

The surplus of data about emotional intelligence, however, also spawns a tangle of myths. According to experts, here are some of the things EI is not:
1. touchy-feely New Age babble about crying and being demonstrative in public;
2. something at which women intrinsically excel, more so than men;
3. a brand-spanking-new concept never before introduced or used in the business world;
4. a single, one-size-fits-all trait.

“While people may commonly mistake emotional intelligence for being nice,” says one of its proponents, “emotionally intelligent leaders can be very firm, very directive when necessary – or empathic when that makes sense. The key lies in having a repertoire of relating styles and knowing when to use each one.”

The secret also lies in the ability to manage your own reactions, as well as others’ emotions. So when emotionally savvy sales stars feel pressure about their quotas, they continue to keep lunch appointments, refuse to snap at interruptions, and focus their office time on the strategy to meet their goals. In other words, they manage performance anxiety.

“An emotionally poor salesperson who freezes at conflict procrastinates about calling irate customers because the idea is too painful – and the business link deteriorates with each passing hour,” says another user of the EI system. The emotionally gifted person sucks it up, phones the client, and de-escalates the anger.

You can spot the highs and lows by simple observation: stars aren’t afraid to express their feelings, yet they don’t let such negative emotions as guilt, embarrassment, or obligation rule them. They read nonverbal cues well, express optimism, and act independently with confidence. On the other hand, employees needing work refuse responsibility for their feelings, blaming others instead. Often, they can’t explain why they feel as they do without finger-pointing. They let things build up until they explode over a minor technicality, and they cling tightly to their beliefs, even in light of new facts.

“Emotional intelligence is what we used to call character,” says one trainer. “Think of it as a two-by-two table: top left is ‘Self,’ top right is ‘Others,’ row one is ‘Awareness,’ and row two is ‘Management.’ This trait is about covering all the combinations in the square.”

Salespeople need strengths in at least six specific competencies:
1. Persuasion and influence: establish credibility, address the customer’s issues and concerns, listen well, and understand how a customer sees the situation before matching product to need.
2. Drive to achieve: continually try to do things better to meet an internal standard of excellence.
3. Initiative: refuse to give up easily and seize opportunity.
4. Empathy: sense other people’s attitudes and feelings and know how they react to your message.
5. Customer service: make the extra effort to meet customer needs and follow up on contacts.
6. Self-confidence: know strengths and remain optimistic about abilities.

Statistically, number one, persuasion and influence, is twice as important as numbers two and three, says Goleman, while drive to achieve and initiative rank equally. Both carry more importance than the remaining three traits.

Know Yourself

“You can do sales tasks up the wazoo and it won’t make you great,” says one expert in the area. “Typical sales-training topics only bring you up to mediocre.”

So after dispensing product knowledge, spin techniques, and objection-handling skills, savvy sales leaders introduce an ongoing awareness of emotional intelligence components. “Inner motivation is essential – you can send trainees to a workshop and they still won’t get it,” he adds. “Unless the employee shows enthusiasm for the possibilities, don’t waste your time or the company’s money on any developmental activity.”

Start with the best-practice guidelines developed by experts. Formally assess individuals, preferably using a 360-degree feedback system. At the least, provide feedback through a videotaped session of reps’ interactions.

“There’s a glaring problem when you ask sales reps to figure out where they stand on their own,” the expert points out. “The first component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. If you lack that, you’re blind to the main things you need to work on.”

In fact, his research shows that star performers in any field tend to overestimate their own abilities versus how others rate them on only one of 20 competencies. Average performers overrate themselves on four or more competencies.

Warning: understand the difference between feelings and thoughts disguised as feelings. The disguised thoughts will finish the sentence that starts “I feel like…” with a label (a moron, a doormat, a million bucks), a judgment (“You were wrong,” “I should win”) or a behavior (slapping someone, crawling under the covers), rather than an honest emotion. You’re on the right track when you express emotions with such adjectives as comfortable, free, independent, worthy, resentful, pessimistic, nervous, or empty.

Set aside time each day for quiet reflection. “It’s hard to manage yourself if you don’t know what’s happening to you. You don’t need to be 100 percent accurate, but do make an effort to name your thoughts,” explains an expert. You want to head off a “brain hijack,” when emotions overtake you.

“Emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean people never get angry. But they use strategies to manage it,” she says.

Follow this exercise with interpersonal effectiveness training. This breaks down into building relationships through skillful self-disclosure and learning how to respect boundaries. One training session involves showing the comedic scene from the film Planes, Trains and Automobiles in which John Candy removes his sock near Steve Martin. Half the group watches to log the ways Candy violates his partner’s personal space; the other half studies Martin’s cues that this behavior pushes his buttons.

Finally, effective emotional intelligence programs touch on how to achieve optimal performance. For instance, EI neophytes often immediately jump to problem-solving or selling mode when a customer demands satisfaction. Emotionally intelligent salespeople validate the customers’ feelings, distract them, and then move on to selling when the customers can join them on the journey.

“The rule should be to practice sharing a person’s feelings before you present. You get much further if the person feels heard and empathized with,” the expert assures.

Because the world is going through substantial changes in the way it does business, it’s critical to better manage change and minimize the depth and duration of downtime. With a sales approach that recognizes and uses people’s emotional intelligence along with traditional sales skills, the team with the edge will be the team whose members have insight into themselves, their customers, and the marketplace where they operate. Salespeople and managers can have the best and brightest in technology and academics, but if they can’t filter information and experience through their emotions, they may be left behind.