The Inner Game of Selling

Tim Gallwey burst on the media scene in the early seventies. His book, The Inner Game of Tennis, followed in succession by other “inner game” books became household symbols that helped thousands improve their tennis game and their lives. His depth of insight into the way our learning curves work has opened us up to new ways to improve our performances. In this exclusive interview with PSP, Gallwey leads us down new paths in the search for better ways to sell with confidence and self-fulfillment. As Gallwey says, “We’ve got to remember ourselves: Am I going to be enriched by this?”

PSP: How did you develop the concept of the “Inner Game”?

Tim Gallwey: Prior to writing The Inner Game of Tennis, I had been a college administrator. In 1970 I took a sabbatical and decided to teach tennis until an interesting job came along.

PSP: How did you teach tennis at that time?

Tim Gallwey: I started off teaching tennis in the traditional way but found that it took people an awfully long time to change bad habits and to learn the game.

PSP: Why do you think that was?

Tim Gallwey: There was always a lot of frustration and anxiety in the traditional teaching process. So I began questioning what was going on in people’s heads while a tennis ball was coming at them.

PSP: And did that change the way you taught?

Tim Gallwey: Things changed when I decided to become conscious of how I could facilitate learning and be less concerned with how I taught.

PSP: Was there a particular lesson that helped you to see that?

Tim Gallwey: Looking back on it, yes there was. I remember one student who began improving his backhand even before I began instructing him. And I was actually disappointed. In my head I said, “Oh, darn it, I missed my chance.” I was actually regretting that I wouldn’t get credit for helping him improve. When I realized that I was more interested in being a teacher than in the student’s learning, I realized that my commitment was way off.

PSP: So you had a shift of emphasis and attitude and you began to teach differently because of that.

Tim Gallwey: That’s right. I began to look inside the student’s head to see what was going on in him or her and to teach appropriately to what I saw. I began to see how the students obstructed their own learning and how often the teacher interfered with the learning process. In short, I discovered that we are our own worst enemies. But I also found that we can learn to get out of our own way.

PSP: How can you learn to do that – to get out of your own way?

Tim Gallwey: First we have to recognize the degree of our own self-interference in any performance oriented activity. If you’re the teacher or perhaps the manager who wants to help a salesperson perform better, you could start by putting yourself in the shoes of the particular salesperson and ask yourself the question: “What are the internal conversations going on while he or she is selling?” Is there a lot of self-judging? Is there too much self-instruction going on?

PSP: What is the purpose of looking at the self-talk?

Tim Gallwey: The kind of self-talk that is going on is an important indication of where the problem lies.

PSP: What did you find out about how self-talk related to the performance on the tennis court?

Tim Gallwey: In tennis, I found that too much self-criticism and self-instruction were symptoms of self-doubt that translated into tight muscles and more awkward playing.

PSP: Can you give us an example of that?

Tim Gallwey: If I, as a tennis teacher, told you in a judgmental manner that you had a weak backhand and that you should work on that, then every time the ball came to your backhand you would be apt to perceive the ball as a threat. You probably wouldn’t see the ball clearly, but would instead see a mistake coming at you. Accordingly, you might overtighten, step back defensively and then make an ineffective shot.

PSP: Would it be similar if a sales manager were to say to a salesperson, “You have trouble closing.” Every time that salesperson faced a closing situation, he or she would expect to mess up.

Tim Gallwey: Yes, it sets up a whole cycle – a sort of feedback loop – that starts out with the salesperson forming a self-image as a “lousy closer.” This self-labeling then affects the perception of reality and the behavior. In other words, the closing starts to look hard and the salesperson tends either to avoid or to try too hard to force the close.

PSP: Does this self-labeling also reinforce itself at the end of the cycle?

Tim Gallwey: Yes it does. The behavior that results from the thought, “I’m weak in closing,” creates an ineffective close. Then the salesperson says to himself, “See, I knew I had a problem closing and there’s the proof.”

PSP: Closing becomes the threat in that case and the salesperson responds in Pavlovian fashion to his own inner bell ringing.

Tim Gallwey: That’s right. It’s a threat to his image, his identity, and his success. But closing is only a perceived threat. His mental image of himself in relation to closing will cause physiological and emotional reactions even though he may try to cover these up by telling himself he really looks forward to the close. But his body language and his emotional reactions, which are perceived by the customer unconsciously, will give him away. The customer will know by subtle cues that this salesperson really feels threatened by closing.

PSP: How will the salesperson show his or her closing fears?

Tim Gallwey: In one or two ways. Either by masking them with aggression or by increased withdrawal. It’s the flight or fight response. Neither response is appropriate to the need to close the sale.

PSP: Now we have defined the problem. What can the salesperson or manager do to change it?

Tim Gallwey: The traditional approach would be to study more – to read a book on closing, or to go to a seminar and learn more ways to close. Well, when the self-image problem is resolved, these are very good ways to learn closing techniques. But techniques must be separated from the inner problems that keep people from using them successfully. Otherwise this is just a plastering job. You can learn successful methods, but they will be stiff and awkward and will not be perceived as natural by the prospect.

PSP: They look robot-like.

Tim Gallwey: Yes, stiff, self-conscious and deliberate. That’s because the techniques are just plastered on top of this self-talk that the salesperson is bad at closing. It’s compensatory behavior and that’s what it looks like. It feels uncomfortable and it also looks that way.

PSP: It seems to me then that there’s an art of learning how to be natural.

Tim Gallwey: Well, I think that naturalness just happens when you get artificiality out of the way. Babies are natural without learning it. But as adults, we have piled a lot of artificiality on top of our naturalness.

PSP: Then the task is how to unlearn artificiality.

Tim Gallwey: Yes. To become skilled in selling, a lot of unlearning needs to be done.

PSP: One of the traditional approaches to teaching selling is to pump lots of information, both product and selling skills, into the rookie.

Tim Gallwey:…and – to try hard. I want to emphasize that. Salespeople always are taught to try harder. Try hard to be natural. Try hard to do better. Try hard to sell more. The focus is improperly on trying all the time. This is exhausting, and ultimately less productive.

PSP: Where should the focus be?

Tim Gallwey: The focus should be on something outside of you – on the customer.

PSP: What happens when the salesperson’s focus shifts to the customer?

Tim Gallwey: The more a salesperson gets interested in the customer, the more he forgets his self-concerns. It can result in an almost instantaneous change in behavior. In moving the focus away from the problem of closing and on to the customer, the close will happen naturally.

PSP: What are the biggest fears salespeople experience in selling?

Tim Gallwey: I read a study recently that showed people’s second greatest fear was the fear of death. They reported that the number one fear was of speaking in front of an audience. In making sales presentations, salespeople often have to confront this fear.

PSP: How do you propose to deal with this fear?

Tim Gallwey: Again, it can be dealt with by shifting the focus of attention. Sometimes, when I speak to an audience, I will ask for a volunteer who’s afraid of being in front of a group to come up and say a few words. Once they are in front of the audience, I ask them how they know that they are afraid and they tell me, “Well, I’m always afraid in front of a group.” Then I ask how they are afraid this time and they start describing their symptoms like shaky knees and upset stomach. Then I ask them to look from the stage to see who in the audience has blue eyes, or who is wearing glasses. Such an exercise requires a lot of attention and for that moment, they become so absorbed in the focus outside themselves that they forget their nervousness.

PSP: And does this work in a selling situation also?

Tim Gallwey: Yes, when you give full attention to the customer, it relieves a great deal of self-consciousness and fear of failure and all the normal anxieties that go along with the uncertainties of selling.

PSP: If one of the keys to the inner game is giving full attention, how do you find the subjects worthy of your attention?

Tim Gallwey: First you must find a focus that is here and now. Our fears tend to attract our attention to things past or future. By focusing on something here and now we relieve a lot of tension and pressure. Also a productive focus should be interesting and be able to hold your attention. Finally, you want to focus on an area that gives you valuable information relative to your goals. In tennis, for example, I might ask a player to watch the seams of a tennis ball. This keeps his attention in the here and now. It is more interesting than the tennis ball itself and give the player moment to moment information about the speed and direction of the ball.

PSP: How does that translate into selling?

Tim Gallwey: By paying full attention to the individual customer, you can make selling more productive. There are many specific areas to focus on. For example, the customer’s body language, the tone of voice, or the degree of interest are just a few.

PSP: But if you give your full attention to the customer, won’t you lose track of what you were planning to say?

Tim Gallwey: That’s a good question. This gets us to the heart of the matter of the inner game. This is where trust in oneself comes in.

PSP: I know what you mean. I remember two years ago, when I promoted my first book, Superachievers, I was interviewed on several TV talks shows. When I looked at the tapes, I realized that this wasn’t me talking, I appeared stilted, I was tense and too concerned with myself. I was over-prepared for what I was going to say and totally unprepared for having a conversation with a real person. Then I decided just to be myself and let the chips fall where they may and zeroed in on the interviewer. The result was that my unnatural self gradually disappeared. Now I really look forward to these interviews and I have fun doing them.

Tim Gallwey: That’s a great illustration. We have all experienced situations like that. However, it takes some practice to keep on trusting. We all know how to do it. We all have our natural competence, but when we doubt it, that’s when we get into trouble.

PSP: Are you suggesting that we should have more faith in being unconsciously competent?

Tim Gallwey: I certainly am. In fact, that is our most reliable competence. Also what I am saying is that instead of creating a lot of rules for ourselves – a lot of shoulds and instructions – we can instead just become more attentive.

PSP: What do you consider the goal of good selling?

Tim Gallwey: There are two kinds of goals in selling, outer game goals and inner game goals. Most of us are familiar with the outer game goals like customer satisfaction, earning commissions, closing the sale, etc. We often neglect the two inner goals of learning and enjoyment.

PSP: Could you elaborate on the two inner game goals?

Tim Gallwey: Sure, take learning, for example. If a salesperson does not close a sale, there is plenty he or she can learn from the experience. For instance, how to deal with a difficult customer. How to maintain self-confidence; how to deal with rejection. What can be learned is almost unlimited.

PSP: How about the enjoyment goal?

Tim Gallwey: We are at all times experiencing something somewhere between misery and ecstasy. And most of us have a natural preference for enjoyment. It is my personal conviction that when we allow ourselves to enjoy selling – even to difficult customers – that our productivity improves.

PSP: So you are saying that enjoyment and learning will improve your earnings?

Tim Gallwey: Yes, the inner game goals and outer game goals need to be in balance with each other.

PSP: Let’s go back to your suggestion to learn from the sales experience. Many salespeople have trouble looking back at what happened during a sale, especially if the sale did not go well. How do you suggest that they look back at what happened in order to improve their own performance?

Tim Gallwey: After the sales call is over, the salesperson can reflect on what went on, always in a nonjudgmental way, and ask, “Now, what did I learn from that, what did I experience?” And even write down the observations. Most of the fear of looking back at one’s performance is a fear of self-condemnation. But a salesperson or anybody else for that matter doesn’t have to look back with blame. What really helps us to learn is just to acknowledge the productive behavior. “I know that I’m good, now did anything get in the way of my real ability?”

PSP: Can the thought, “I know I’m good,” become a competitive mental game?

Tim Gallwey: Yes, it can; it is a cover for self-doubt. We all question our competence from time to time and get involved in the game called “How good am I?” It usually gets in the way of performance.

PSP: So, instead of self-measuring, we need to achieve self-awareness?

Tim Gallwey: That’s right. You want to become aware of your capabilities and what gets in the way of them. You want to discover capacities not infirmities.

PSP: Where does positive thinking fall in your system?

Tim Gallwey: Well, there are people who pile positivity on top of a negative belief system. First you actually have to face the negative beliefs because below those beliefs lie your actual talents.

PSP: How do we improve performance?

Tim Gallwey: In improving performance or qualities that we have recognized already, the traditional approach is to look at what’s missing and try to compensate. But I recommend that we look at the competence that is already there and develop that further, deeper and wider. There is no such thing as no ability. We all have the capacity to develop and learn.

PSP: Is trying too hard a compensation for doubt?

Tim Gallwey: Yes and it gets in the way of your true persuasive ability. By trying too hard, you communicate the feeling to your customer that you don’t think you are going to succeed. That makes the customer uncomfortable and defensive.

PSP: Often customers don’t voice their real objections. How do you recommend that salespeople discover them?

Tim Gallwey: To most prospects the salesperson’s appearance at the door is perceived as a threat – as what I call an uh-oh experience. “Uh-oh, now I have to protect myself.” Phony objections are just a way of defending against that perceived attack. The customer won’t reveal his real needs or even his real objections if he feels that the product is going to be pushed at him from the start. He feels he is going to be made to feel foolish for his needs and for his real objections. So he invents some that don’t mean anything to him and in that way he defends his self-image.

PSP: What do you think is the biggest problem that salespeople have?

Tim Gallwey: Trying too hard. And that’s because the only game they are playing is success and failure in the outer game. They are trying too hard and not having enough fun.

PSP: Who should benefit by selling?

Tim Gallwey: It should benefit both the customer and the salesperson. You’re supposed to be having a good time and to be learning while you are doing it. You are supposed to be producing something of value in the world. To me that’s the bottom line. We’ve got to remember ourselves, not in a selfish way: Am I going to make a lot of money on this? But our real selves: Am I going to be enriched by this? We must be kind to ourselves.

PSP: What is your measure of success?

Tim Gallwey: I define success in three ways. The outer game success – money and quality of the product and improved state in external affairs. The inner game success – self-actualization, learning and enjoyment. And then making a contribution in the external outer game world.

PSP: Thank you.