In the business community, human sexuality is usually relegated to the single topic of sexual harassment. Unless a legal problem arises, companies rarely get involved. In selling however, legal issues are the very least of the problems. Company policy, management guidelines, sales training, and even the legal system can’t save a sale that is threatened by sexual misconduct. The issues are complex and awareness of the problems related to sex in business is still not widespread. Therefore, to examine how sexuality influences sales productivity, PSP contacted 500 male and 500 female subscribers to participate in a confidential in depth survey. The subject – sex in selling.

Since this is the first time this topic has ever been explored for the purpose of improving sales productivity (we have no intentions of becoming a sex magazine), we expected a moderate response to our survey. We were mistaken. A total of 194 male and 167 female executives completed our detailed questionnaire. This 36% response rate was astounding. Even more surprising, as you will see later, were the numerous reports from saleswomen describing incidents of clients putting sexual pressure on them in exchange for a sale.

After spending countless hours tabulating the results and interviewing a select group of subscribers with follow-up questions, two things became clear: most companies don’t talk about sex in selling and the majority of salespeople have never been made aware of how sex can affect their incomes, their careers, or their feelings of self-worth. In fact, 72 percent of all respondents reported that their companies have no clear cut policy regarding sexual misconduct.

Dr. Ken Lloyd, a leading authority on the subject of sex in organizations, reasons: “Companies are reluctant to talk about sex in business not because they aren’t aware of the problem, but because they don’t know what to do about it.”

Dr. Barbara Pletcher, executive director of NAPS (National Association of Professional Saleswomen based in Sacramento, CA), offers a different perspective: “People are generally afraid of opening this can of worms. But sex in selling appears to be a widespread problem that impacts on the productivity and the well-being of salespeople. Company guidelines can be a double-edged sword. We assume that they will be there to protect the salesperson. But what about a manager who says, ‘Sure, go out with the guy – if it gets you the order.’? Consciousness of these issues gets really tricky. And people do have varying sensitivities.”

Companies Ignore the Problem

Since sex isn’t discussed officially in the top executive suite where corporate policies are shaped, it isn’t a priority subject in the training room either. Our survey sample showed that 97 percent of all salesmen and 91percent of all saleswoman have never attended a consciousness raising seminar dealing with the subject of sexual misconduct.

Without company guidelines or specific training, salespeople are often at a loss when it comes to dealing with the stressful situations encountered in the field. As one 39 year old salesman wrote, “I took a client and his attractive wife to dinner. When he excused himself to go the men’s room, she said she wanted to begin an affair with me. She said that unless I agreed, she would tell her husband that I had made a play for her, thus I’d lose the account…” What’s a self-respecting salesman to do?

Although many salespeople do not want companies to dictate their personal behavior on sales calls, some feel that company guidelines would be useful for the salesperson as well as the buyer. Ms. Pletcher of NAPS states, “If salespeople would have the courage to discuss unwanted sexual advances with their managers, the problem would become visible enough to seek solutions. Remember, it is against the law to attempt to extract sexual favors in return for an order. It is likewise against the law to take an order in exchange for a sexual favor.”

In this special survey report we will look at the basic areas of salespeople’s concerns about sexuality in selling. Comments from experts will illuminate a topic that has been left in the dark for years.

Fantasy, Fact & Income

One of our key questions was designed to find out to what degree salespeople themselves may be responsible for a prospect’s inappropriate behavior. As our select group of professional salespeople indicated, they rarely fantasize about their prospects or customers. To be specific, 95 percent of the salesmen and 98 percent of the saleswomen said that they never experience sexual fantasies about their prospects. These figures suggest that sexual involvement with a client even on a fantasy level is a definite no-no. One 64-year-old salesman wrote: “You don’t get your meat at the same store where you get bread and butter. Don’t get involved – it’s not worth the price.”

A 34-year-old saleswoman saw the same issue differently: “Several of my clients fell in love with me and said that they wanted to leave their wives for me. That was really difficult. They were good customers and nice people. But I didn’t want to mislead them. The trickiest part is balancing the two – not losing your self-respect or the business.”

Controls on salespeople’s sexual fantasies do not seem to apply to others working within the client’s company. PSP asked: “Have you ever been romantically involved with someone working in your client’s company?” Yes came the surprising answer from 7 percent of the saleswomen and 13 percent of the salesmen. When we segmented the survey results by age, this percentage was even higher for the age group between 20 and 30. In this category, 10 percent of the saleswomen and 23 percent of the salesmen said yes.

Another factor that influenced this answer was income. Saleswomen who earned less than $25,000 a year reported only a 3 percent involvement with someone in their client’s company while the percentage of involvement jumps to 13 percent for saleswomen who make between $25,000 and $30,000 a year. When income rises above this level there is little statistical change.

As for salesmen, the percentage remains unchanged across the lower income groups, until their yearly income from sales exceeds $75,000. At this point it leaps to an astonishing 30 percent. Keep in mind, however, that those who said no far outnumber those who said yes. A 35-year-old saleswoman with three years of sales experience wrote: “Because of the way I conduct myself, I am treated with the utmost respect by my male clients. However, if a client has me back to his office more than three times without signing on the bottom line, I have learned through experience that his interest in me is personal rather than professional. When we get down to business, the bottom line for most buyers is product, benefits, price and service. As soon as we get to that point, it’s a contest between the buyer and the selling techniques and that’s the real challenge. Most people recognize the importance of separating business and pleasure, and if they don’t, they aren’t very successful in the long run.” That’s a winning attitude and a practical approach.

Attractiveness or Titillation?

But what about the news that 54 percent of all saleswomen participating in our survey admitted that they “sometimes” use their sexual attractiveness in selling. An additional 9 percent replied “often.” Interestingly, the survey shows that this percentage does not decrease significantly with age – even when approaching the fifty year mark. For salesmen, however, the use of sexual attractiveness is at an all time high of 68 percent between the ages of 20 and 30 and then drops to a steady low of 38 percent after age 31. Puzzled over these results, Dr. Pletcher of NAPS commented, “Young men just starting in sales may use sexuality, but if they have no other sales skills to back that up, they will quickly drop out of the field. On the other hand, women who have found that using their attractiveness in sales is a bonus may then make it a part of their bag of tricks.

Sexual attractiveness can also be part of a company’s selling strategy. As one saleswoman told PSP: “My first sales job was with a company that only hired attractive young women in their early twenties to sell their product. We called on welding shops and sold exactly the same product as other companies in the industry. But we charged ten times more. We were all told the customer had to pay extra to get us to visit. We called it ‘service.’ I don’t think it was ethical for our company to do that but it was a good business decision. They did very well and so did all the saleswomen.”

A 31-year-old salesman put things in a different perspective by writing: “Sexual attraction can be a valuable and positive sales tool. Good salespeople should be attractive physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. Using one’s attractiveness is not exploitative or deceitful unless carried to an inappropriate level.”

Sex For A Sale

As indicated earlier, one question in our survey turned out to be the surprise of the year. “Has sexual pressure ever been exerted on you in exchange for a sale?” Respondents were given a choice of “yes, teasingly,” “yes, seriously,” or “never.” A total of 17 percent of all saleswomen said “yes, teasingly.” That’s 52 percent of saleswomen who had to deal with sexual pressures from clients or prospects. Of saleswomen with more than five years experience in the field, an even higher number – 20 percent reported “yes, seriously” and 40 percent “yes, teasingly.” If experience creates increased opportunity, these saleswomen can expect more of the same the longer they stay in sales, but they also learn new ways to cope with clients who overstep the boundaries.

“You have to size up male prospects,” wrote one female subscriber, “some you can’t stand next to at their desk. Others you definitely can’t entertain at a business lunch. When someone tries to put sexual pressure on me for a sale, I laugh and say ‘thank you’ and change the subject back to work. If they are persistent I say, ‘You know I can’t do that. You are my client and I am trying to make a living.’ If they get too bad, I drop the account – no matter how much business is involved.

Even more unexpected than the figures for saleswomen was the finding that 30 percent of the salesmen reported sexual pressure had been put on them: 7 percent said “yes seriously” and 23 percent said “yes, teasingly.”

“Your survey results on this issue alone are a real surprise,” exclaimed Barbara Pletcher when asked to share her views on these numbers. “Saleswomen are supposed to be good soldiers, to learn to live with it and get on with business. I am not even sure what is expected of salesmen.”

Her advice: “The important thing for the salesperson, male or female, is to maintain control of the situation. You do that by first realizing that your behavior is not the one that’s wrong. It’s the other person who is acting inappropriately. You can’t always prevent this kind of thing from happening but you can prevent it from becoming a problem for you. If it is, then you have to adjust your behavior so you neither encourage nor feel guilty about it. And remember, you have mobility. You can always get up and walk away.”

A 37-year-old saleswoman with seven years of selling experience in the publishing business wrote: “A customer wanted to buy me clothes and take care of me – he ran his hand up my leg and stated that his wife didn’t understand his needs. Since I was driving my car, I removed his hand from my leg and dumped him about a half a mile from his destination.” Not all respondents showed this degree of resolve. A great deal of negative emotions tend to linger on long after the harassment has occurred.

According to the responses to our survey, sex can not only lead to lost business, but can also play an important role in losing or gaining a promotion. Three percent of all salesmen and 16 percnet of all saleswomen reported having lost or gained a promotion through sexual favoritism. For saleswomen over age 50, those figures are even higher at 24 percent. A twenty-six-year-old saleswoman with six years of selling experience wrote: “My roommate/coworker had an affair with our immediate superior. This resulted in her promotion over me. I was fully aware of their relationship but could do nothing about it. Her subsequent supervision was most distasteful and greatly stifled my career growth within the company.”

Flirting With Disaster

Romance in the office can be deadly – with few choices for the unfavored. But how do you cope when the client favors you? What do you do when you realize that your prospect wears two hats – one of the potential buyer and one of the potential lover?

Personal Selling Power asked: “If an important and attractive prospect flirts with you, do you ignore it or do you flirt back?” The majority of all salesmen (61 percent) and saleswomen (60 percent) choose to ignore flirting signals. A few salesmen (12 percent) flirt back – compared to only 1 percent of the saleswomen. The balance of the respondents described a variety of different coping strategies. A 35-year-old salesman who has been selling for 10 years and makes over $100,000 in sales shared this experience: “After a trade show, my client wanted to have a meal together in her hotel rather than going out for dinner. I politely thanked her for the offer and convinced her that our working relationship, while good, did not need to be that good. We didn’t dine together.”

The biggest difference in handling a flirtatious client was found in the age group between 20 and 30 years where 10 times more salesmen (20 percent) flirt back compared to saleswomen (2 percent). With age, however, comes wisdom. The older the salesperson, the more likely he or she will ignore a flirting customer. A 43-year-old salesman who has been in selling for 25 years philosophized: “Some women buyers purposely flirt or do things to see if you will react. If you don’t, they move forward with respect. If you do, they use it to disrupt the sales call and they rarely buy. It’s their way of testing your selling power!”

So, flirting can be a test of will – a power game of sorts – to see who will have the upper hand. But a 54-year-old advertising salesman sees it differently: “Simple flirtation is harmless if you know ahead of time that it will lead nowhere. With that in mind, it is possible to enjoy the flirtation and forget it when it’s over.”

A 28-year-old saleswoman disagrees: “It takes two people to continue a flirtatious relationship. Professional behavior will eventually steer you both back on track. It does make selling difficult when the male prospect flirts. It’s very disappointing, too – it’s just another hurdle to overcome – just like another buying objection. Flirtation to me is a sign that either this is not a smart businessman or not a serious prospect. If it is an existing client, then it has to be stopped immediately. I feel I have to make him respect me as a professional symbol and not as a sex symbol.”

Socializing – Yes or No?

If flirtation looms as a problem, then what does the ambitious salesperson do about socializing with good customers? Twenty-two percent of the salesmen and 38 percent of the saleswomen who responded said that they had, on at least one occasion, decided not to socialize with a good customer for fear of becoming involved. One former saleswomen who is now the owner of a retail furniture store reported: “In the business I was in, we were required to entertain after hours – dinners, sports events, plays, etc. I felt this gave the clients an ambiguous message. My company disagreed, so after three and a half years, I resigned. I am now in a field that requires no after-hours socializing.” Salespeople sometimes bend over backwards to meet their clients’ social needs until the conflict of values is resolved.

Selling Behavior

To analyze how sex influences selling behavior, PSP asked: “Do you present your product the same way to a male as to a female prospect?” Seventy percent of all saleswomen stated that they deliver the same sales presentation to men as they do to women, as do 68 percent of all salesmen. While saleswomen’s percentages remain steady regardless of experience on the job, it appears that the less experienced salesmen make the most dramatic adjustments in selling to the opposite sex. Only 41 percent of the salesmen with less than five years on the job give the same presentation to female buyers as they do to male buyers; however after 10 years on the job the percentage rises to 76 percent. A 38-year-old salesman with 14 years in selling comments: “I really believe that today’s female buyer wants to be treated like her male counterpart. I’ve used this approach and it seems to work.”

Female Clients – A Tough Sell

Answering a question designed to find out if salespeople prefer to call on a male or a female prospect, one saleswoman with four years of sales experience wrote: “I prefer to do business with men. Men are more receptive to buying from a woman if she is enthusiastic about her product. I have found women, as a rule, to be competitive with one another and not as receptive to buying.”

Fifty-two percent of all saleswomen clearly prefer to sell to men; only 28 percent prefer to sell to women and 20 percent say that gender doesn’t matter. A female marketing manager with five years selling experience in the computer software industry rationalized: “Women are more thorough when they look at a product and the claims a company makes about it. They have a different attitude about money and won’t take the same amount of risk that a man would. They won’t buy unless it’s a sure thing.”

But how about salesmen’s preferences? PSP found that the male client again is clearly the preferred customer. Fifty-five percent of the salesmen who responded prefer selling to men, 28 percent prefer selling to women and 17 percent have no gender preference. A salesman with seven years on the job wrote: “I prefer to sell to men. They’re easier for me to deal with. It’s harder to get an appointment with a woman and they’re automatically suspicious.”

Older salesmen show even more reluctance to deal with female buyers. A whopping 72 percent of all salesmen over age 41 clearly state that they prefer to sell to their own sex. On the other hand, saleswomen over 41 feel equally comfortable selling to men and women. It appears that increased age changes our perceptions and preferences. Older saleswomen may find the female buyer less of a threat while older salesmen may find more comfort within the “good old boys network.”

Support From Management

If these survey results have opened your eyes to new selling challenges and behavioral changes, you’re not alone. In fact, a number of progressive sales managers (among the respondents who have sensed some of the problems discussed here) have already taken action.

A female sales manager wrote: “As a manager with a sales team composed of both men and women, I include this subject matter (sex in selling) in my training. I advise women how to handle situations like flirting and sexual pressure. I also advise men on my staff how to properly treat their female clients.” This manager recognizes the need for adequate training to offset potential problems. Traditional selling skills won’t save the situation if the prospect counters with, “How about my place tonight?” Managers who invest time to dig out individual solutions will be doing a real service to their salespeople and their company.

“Within a few months after beginning my sales career, I called on an attorney who said he wanted to buy dictation equipment – several pieces – a good prospect,” wrote a 40-year-old saleswomen who is now earning over $56,000 a year. “I went to his office three times on the last day of the month to get an order. Finally he said he would sign the order if I would fly to Palm Springs with him for the weekend. I picked up the contract and, as I was tearing it in half, told him he had obviously made an error in judgment. I told him I was a professional in the sales field and was calling on him to solve a problem he had with office equipment and that he obviously didn’t appreciate my efforts.

“I then said that I didn’t think he was the caliber of customer we were used to selling and a quality product like ours wouldn’t fit in his office! I ran back to my office in tears, totally shaken and discouraged and wondering whether I had created the situation. My district manager was terrific. He was reassuring and supportive of what I had done. When the attorney called again, he sent a salesman. He told me there was enough legitimate business out there that I didn’t have to put up with any nonsense from a jerk.”

A good sales manager is not necessarily a manager of sales but a manager of people. A clear understanding of people issues is the first step to a clear solution to people problems. Salespeople are also in the people business. The ability to get along under all possible circumstances is what this report is all about.

The Bottom Line

There were a few subscribers who responded to our survey with negative comments. One woman, a 35-year-old computer sales rep with one and a half years of experience, wrote: “I can’t believe your choice of subjects! Join the 80’s my friends…your questionnaire seems woefully outdated.”

If that is the case, what would she tell the 39-year-old saleswoman in the specialty advertising business who wrote: “…I often run into customers who want to buy ‘girlie’ calendars and I always feel uncomfortable. When they want them, I turn down the sale. Once, I sold one, in spite of my aversion to pornography, but I was so miserable that I called and canceled the order when I got back to my office. They’ve been great customers ever since.” No, we don’t think the subject an outdated one at all. And problems don’t go away just by looking away.

A 57-year-old salesman who has been in sales for 38 years would, by all accounts, qualify as an old timer. He currently earns over $100,000 a year and we can imagine the bemused look on his face as he recalled this incident. He wrote: “I once made a sales call on a lady of the evening. I was to collect my company’s money on delivery of our product. She met me at the door with an open bathrobe. I grabbed my money and ran like hell.” That’s the bottom line for sales professionals – old and young; male and female; low, middle and upper income; experienced and novice – if the door to suspicious opportunity opens, take the money and run like hell.