Nonverbal Signals of Sex in Selling

The process of selling has often been linked to courtship. Salespeople talk about romancing their customers, going to bed with them, turning them on to a new idea; in fact, to many salespeople, selling is a game of seduction, of falling in love with their products and customers.

Successful salespeople know that sexual attractiveness means power. And with power comes responsibility. The responsibility to keep sexuality within the personal boundaries resides with the professional salesperson.

Although the early steps of romance and of building rapport in selling are very similar, the final outcome of a sale is to walk away with an order, not a customer.

Good rapport requires balance. It doesn’t develop if we’re overly friendly; it can’t continue to grow if we’re too tense; and it won’t last if we’re too aggressive. But most important, good rapport can be quickly destroyed if sexual boundaries are crossed.

It’s our job to prevent customers from crossing the line and to respect the customer’s boundaries as well. Like a meteorologist who studies cloud formations to predict the likelihood of a thunderstorm, you can study your client’s nonverbal signals and monitor your own.

DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS

Beware of your own nonverbal signals that communicate aggressiveness or seduction. Saleswomen should avoid preening gestures in front of a customer. Adjust your scarf before the meeting; don’t arrange your hair as you listen to your prospect; avoid licking your lips or applying lipstick. Maintain your distance.

Salesmen should not put their hands on their hips when standing in front of a female client or lock their thumbs inside their belts. Another sure giveaway of a salesman’s sexual interest in a female client is if he sucks in his stomach. But the most important signal in communicating personal attraction is eye contact.

EYES THAT SELL – NOT SEDUCE

Women are acutely aware of men looking at their bodies. They quickly recognize a man’s eye movements (staring at breasts, scanning the body, sideways glances, etc.) and tend to make assumptions about these looks long before men realize that their looks have any meaning at all.

Looks make statements about the relationship. How often you look at your client (frequency), what body parts you look at (focus) and how often you look away from your client (distancing) are crucial to developing a relationship and making the sale. To regulate these three functions (frequency, focus and distancing), we need to learn more about the customer’s individual sensitivities. A good practical formula is: 1) observe, 2) synchronize, and 3) lead. Begin your sales call by observing the customer’s eye movements without staring, but by paying attention to what is happening. If you find that your customer frequently looks away, don’t force eye contact. Let your tone of voice be the primary source of contact and look away as often as your customer does. Then gradually increase eye contact. As you present product benefits, use eye contact to emphasize your belief in the value you’re offering. Note that your eye contact is slightly more persuasive when you look at one eye and not both at once. Focus either on the customer’s left or right eye.

If you begin to feel attracted to or involved with your client, look at your product instead. Keep your eye contact below 10 seconds at a time. Your shifts can be matched to your selling process. For example, look at the product to describe features, look at the customer to describe benefits; look at the customer to acknowledge objections, shift to your notepad to write down objections.

DEALING WITH CLIENT COME-ONS

How about when you notice inappropriate looks and behaviors expressed by your clients? It’s not easy to come up with appropriate responses to a client’s inappropriate sexual behavior. Problem clients are not in the majority and most of us aren’t trained in handling these problems professionally. Most sales training courses overprepare us for dealing with customer objections and underprepare us for dealing with objectionable customers.

The most important step is your own decision to take action. Let your own body be the sensing instrument. As you being to feel uncomfortable about your client’s behavior, draw the line and stop your client from crossing the boundaries. If you don’t draw the line, you communicate two messages: 1) that your customer’s behavior is OK and 2) that he or she may go further, because no line has been drawn.

Be tactful but firm. Balance these qualities to achieve your goal. If you are too firm, it may end the relationship; if you’re too friendly, you may ask for more trouble. Show that you are in control, shift to an upright body posture, assume eye contact and avoid speaking too fast. Also, lower your voice as you talk. Here are some suggested responses:

“We have a company policy that prohibits us from mixing business with pleasure.”

“I take my business very seriously, and I think that you do also. Can we get back to business, or should I come back on another day?”

“I get the impression that we are having two discussions – one is personal, the other is business. I cannot call on customers for personal reasons, only for business reasons. If you don’t feel like talking about your business needs today, I’ll understand and hope that you’ll call our company when you’re ready.”

“I can’t continue this discussion unless we talk about your business needs – not your personal needs. If this is going to be a problem for you, then I will have to leave and ask my manager to reassign your account to another sales representative.”

Use your own judgment and your own words. Rehearse situations like these in the training room and ask your manager about your company guidelines for dealing with inappropriate customer behavior. Also, resist unnecessary socializing. If you can’t close a sale in the office, you won’t be able to do better in a restaurant or a cocktail lounge. Drinking customers nearly always spell trouble.

Remember sexuality is bound to influence every relationship in subtle ways. Learn to read and respond to them. Have your rendezvous with success, not with your client.