From Self-esteem to Sales Success

These behaviors–defensiveness, escapism, self-blame–are classic responses to rejection. It’s only natural to react in any of these ways after suffering a blow to your self-esteem. However, if you persist in faulting others or yourself, or wish you could “get away from it all” every time you meet with disappointment, you’re turning your back on a serious problem that will continue to hamper your sales potential. Put another way, you’re neglecting your most important asset as a sales representative and as a human being: your self-esteem.

What is self-esteem? Macho invincibility? Humility and patience in the face of tribulation? Not really, though people with high self-esteem may at times seem to exude these characteristics. Self-esteem is simply acceptance of self. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But in reality, accepting yourself is one of life’s toughest challenges, a job that if done properly can occupy all your waking hours.

Hidden Fears

Take the example of the high-powered super salesperson who always expects to make the sale. Flip the lid on this top achiever and you’ll often find a very insecure individual, someone who performs out of fear of failure. While giving the impression of invincibility–and half-believing his or her own illusions of superiority–this sales rep may utterly lack self-confidence. He or she is aggressive rather than assertive, motivated by a frantic need to prove something, driven by a deep seated need to overcome inadequacy. Does this person have high self-esteem? Obviously not. Self-acceptance requires no proof or urgency to impress.

What about the self-effacing sales rep who withdraws from life’s fast pace by operating on the lowest denominator of job performance? Some might say that this sales rep “accepts” himself, slowly progressing on an even keel. Actually, this type only accepts his limitations. Scratch the surface and you’ll probably find a bitter soul who needs to “get even” with customers, tough and friendly ones alike, by giving as little as possible of himself. This type of sales rep ironically finds justification in claiming he’s “too good for the rest of the world!” But, of course, what he’s getting even for are his feelings of self-doubt and self-rejection.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem feel badly about, even reject, themselves. Most often they reject others, too, including sales prospects.

Identifying Low Self-Esteem

A sales representative who finds himself gazing across a cold desk into the colder eyes of a difficult client may wonder three things: (1) is the customer going to accept me?; (2) how will I be viewed when I make my presentation?; and, (3) will I be able to persuade the prospect? There are significant differences in how sales reps with high self-esteem and those with low self-esteem maneuver in this situation. Let’s examine low self-esteem. In our hypothetical situation, the sales rep with low self-esteem follows certain behavior patterns when confronting a “cold fish” prospect. His mind whips into high gear, connecting with all the unhappy experiences of the past that occurred with similar prospects. While reeling off his presentation, the sales rep hears an internal monologue that undermines any effort to look and sound convincing about the product. “This guy is just like the last prospect who turned me down,” he may think. “I’m wasting my time.” Whether the salesperson realizes it or not, the impact of negative self-talk is communicated to the buyer through nonverbal signals. The buyer does get the underlying message.

Wearing Masks

Sales reps with low self-esteem commonly develop a magician’s chest of tricks to cope with, but not solve, their problem. Take the so-called SuperRep. This person often creates a separate persona which he feels more acceptable to buyers than his real self. With every “success,” this type grows increasingly divorced from reality. “They don’t like the real me, only my mask,” he thinks. “If they only knew how important and worthless I am, they’d never buy from me.” Regardless of the number of sales racked up, SuperRep feels little satisfaction. Reason: credit for his achievements goes to the phony outer shell. That’s one form of misadaptation.

Playing It Safe

Another occurs with Humble Rep. This salesperson’s motto is “play it safe, keep distant, don’t get involved,” or “if I don’t try, I won’t fail.” How true. Unfortunately, the other half of the maxim is that if you don’t try, you won’t make the sale either. Humble Rep can float along for years, selling just enough to get by, finding a safe comfortable niche in the lower ranks of sales performance, and never breaking out of his old groove. Focus on the past and negative self-talk lead this type of salesperson into retreat. In fact, you might say he’s “mentally retired.”

The negative aspects of low self-esteem permeate all phases of one’s life. Among peers, the sales rep may “put down” his customers. At home, he’ll be equally critical of his fellow sales reps. Negativism stemming from low self-esteem may surface in actively aggressive behavior. The frustrated salesperson often loses his temper, insults others, hangs up the phone or refuses to talk. Though he makes every effort to avoid discussing the problem, the message comes through loud and clear. “I feel badly about myself,” he’s saying. “I need help with my self-esteem.”

The solution is easy to identify, harder to implement. SuperRep and Humble Rep have to stop wearing masks and playing games.

Self-esteem management can hardly be learned by reading a book or an article. Learning about one’s self-esteem is a part of a personal growing experience–that’s what makes it so unique and precious.

Nurturing Self-Esteem

Returning to our model sales call, let’s see how the salesperson with high self-esteem would appraise the situation.

Is the customer for or against him?

Neither, to start with. The customer may never have seen the sales rep before, and so has no preconceived notion of performance or reliability. The salesperson is “starting fresh.”

How will he be viewed when he makes his presentation? This is business, not a personality contest. The prospect wants to deal with someone who is competent and knowledgeable. Being a “nice guy with a winning smile” helps, but the sales rep with high self-esteem doesn’t base his performance solely on the buyer’s attraction to personal charm.

Will he be able to persuade the prospect? Much of that depends on the prospect. But the salesperson with high self-esteem will, on closing his presentation, feel confident he’s done the best job possible. If the prospect buys–great. If not, the sales rep analyzes his performance with an eye to make improvements for his next meeting with the buyer, then moves on to another sales prospect. He doesn’t pick himself or the buyer apart.

The active ingredient in management of self-esteem is choice. You can choose to regulate your feelings andself-esteem or let events do this for you. Recall that as a child you relied on your parents to help foster feelings of self-worth. To some degree, this continues into adulthood with employers commenting on, hopefully praising, your work. However, you control the quality of your work, how you feel about your performance, etc., hence, you supervise the esteem derived from your sales career. The less you participate in this essential management function, the less satisfaction you will feel and the lower your self-esteem.

Self-expectations

Imagine you’d been asked to train a race horse. Notwithstanding the fact that you may know nothing about it, you would probably start with some basic principles of common sense. If the horse were young, you’d expect him to make mistakes initially. You’d start him running short distances, then work up to a goal, focusing on his potential. Finally, you’d recognize that the horse would need praise and encouragement in order to be motivated. Horses respond to feelings, too.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? So why treat yourself with any less interest or concern than you would a horse? The expectations you have of yourself can be used to regulate your own self-esteem. Here are some examples:

Expectation of one’s ability.

Expect to make mistakes, to lose sales from time to time–and learn to correct your errors. Expecting to be perfect is the surest route to an asylum.

Expectation to grow beyond the present situation. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t. What’s more important: giving one good presentation and getting the order, or rushing through six calls and losing every sale? Concentrate on refining your present talents, then expand them.

Expectation to focus on one’s potential. Other people tend to view us by our past accomplishments, while we tend to judge ourselves by what we will do in the future. Healthy self-esteem comes from knowing what you want and not from dwelling on what you don’t want.

Expectation to focus on your need to feel good. There’s no law against it. Each time we satisfy our need to feel good, we create a deposit of happiness. Each time we label ourselves bad or attack our self-esteem, we deplete our most valuable resource and risk poor personal and professional performance.

Your Own Self-Esteem Management Program

Feelings are contagious. So is esteem. Your positive self-esteem will lift the spirits of others as surely as a smile generates more smiles. Conversely, low self-esteem draws out the worst in others.

Buyers can sense the tension between your real self and any mask you may choose to wear–they, too, may don a mask in your presence; but they won’t feel comfortable until all pretense is dropped.

Feeling good about yourself will be highly visible to others, positively influencing their own feelings about themselves. Your positive attitude signals that you accept others for what they are–perhaps one of the most basic human needs. Low self-esteem is almost always taken out on others, with the sorry result of alienation from colleagues and clients. Have you ever noticed how when you feel bad, you become more demanding of others? You want them to change–to fit your expectations. While you may be able to disguise your verbal negativism, your low self-esteem will come through via nonverbal signals.

Why go through the trouble and heartache of avoiding the problem with masks and games? Accept yourself and you’ll give up your wish for others to fit your expectations. Accept your buyers and you’ll become effective in selling.

Next time you’re on a sales call, try concentrating on this bit of positive self-talk. It comes from an old pro who carried it in his wallet throughout his selling career of 42 years:

“I feel good about myself. I am well prepared for this call and there’s nothing I can’t handle. I know my customer has a need for the product. He appears reasonable and he’s good-natured behind the masks he needs to wear occasionally. He can be thoughtless at times, but his attitude has no bearing on the good feeling I have about myself. I’ll accept myself, feel able to handle my customer’s attitude and manage possible conflicts to the best of my ability.”

There’s no better way to have customers flock to you than to reach out to them first. The key is your own self-esteem.