The Right Balance between Firm and Friendly Makes the Sale

In the January/February 1991 PSP cover story, U.S. Secretary of Commerce Robert Mosbacher claims that successful salespeople have to strike a balance between being warm and friendly and, at the same time, aggressive. If you are overly aggressive you will turn people off; if you are overly friendly, you won’t have the guts to get the sale.

Mosbacher has put into words one of those challenges that is always there, yet hard to define. Many a sale has been lost because a sales rep, thinking he or she was just being enthusiastic, was actually aggressive and demanding and, in the process, killed the deal. On the other hand, many a sale has been lost because the salesperson failed to stay businesslike and was so casual and easygoing that the prospect lost an important sense of respect.

In their efforts to avoid being too friendly, professional salespeople must maintain a certain measure of firmness with a customer. In other words, bypass aggressiveness in favor of assertiveness. Let’s compare these two traits:

Being Aggressive Means:

Carrying persistence to an extreme; making call after call; hovering.

Failing to listen.

Having a demanding tone of voice.

Using words that insist, rather than persuade. Stating, “This is the way it has to be done,” instead of “How does that sound to you?” or “Which option would you like?”

Going on with a presentation when (perhaps due to calling at the wrong time or continuing past several “Noes”) it is obvious that the prospect is annoyed.

Being Assertive Means:

Being thoughtfully persistent: staying “in tune” with the customer’s moods/attitudes/needs.

Listening.

Having a reasonable, conversational tone of voice.

Using choices and questions when talking to the customer, instead of making demanding statements.

Not overstaying your welcome, especially when the customer is upset or angry.

Assertive wins over aggressive. Here are ways to advance the sale productively without being considered a pest:

Barney Ware, who sold commercial real estate, was negotiating with a busy restaurant which badly needed more parking area. He had a listing on the building next door — an antiquated apartment building that had no appeal to investors. Buying it and tearing it down for parking was a logical move, and this plan had been advanced to the restaurant owners time after time. Somehow, Barney failed to realize he was putting the eatery’s owners on the spot, forcing them to move too fast and, in plain and simple terms, turning them off with his brand of persistence.

Finally, one of Barney’s associates tipped him off by saying, “Cool it. Wait a couple of weeks, then go in there for a big steak dinner and don’t say anything about your deal.”

Barney did just that. He smiled broadly as he relaxed with a costly meal and said nothing to the management. But he must have made an impression. The next day he received a call from the owners who said: “Come on over. We want to talk to you.”

In contrast, Jerry Wade, who sold health insurance, played it smart from the beginning when dealing with a young couple, owners of a yogurt shop. Jerry had made a brief presentation and knew he had a good prospect, yet he just couldn’t budge the pair. He now resorted to follow-up that was neither aggressive nor wishy-washy –just assertive in a mild way.

Jerry sent a brochure, waited a few days, then called back to be sure his subjects had read it. “I’d like to answer any questions you have,” he said. There was a favorable response but a put-off: “Too busy to see you right now about it.” He waited another couple of weeks and sent another brochure, following this up with another personal call. He got an appointment — and a sale.

Old timers may say teaching the balance between assertive and aggressive and firm and friendly is next to impossible — a knack you have to acquire through experience. But that’s nonsense. Every salesperson who wants to stay alive and grow must master this all-important balance.