The Secret Motivation Formula

People who say, “I’d give my spouse a gift if she/he would show me more affection,” “I’d praise and recognize my employees if they put forth some extra effort,” “I’ll have confidence in my kids when they get some decent grades,” or “Would I ever be excited if I cracked the General Electric account!” have the motivation formula backwards. First comes the giving, then comes the getting.

When I was the Director of the University of Louisville Sales School, we taught: “If you can see John Brown through John Brown’s eyes, you can sell John Brown what John Brown buys.” In other words, we must put ourselves in others’ shoes and understand how they feel. I’m not saying that you should agree with how they feel, but understand how they feel.

Seeing John Brown through John Brown’s eyes is not easy. There are four distinct types of people we deal with on a daily basis.

The initiators Very relationship-oriented and impulsive, they like to initiate conversations, activities and ideas. They can be very impulsive and opinionated.

The dominators Task-oriented and impulsive, they are perceived as very businesslike, bottom line oriented and have high expectations.

The supporters Relationship-oriented and steady, they are very warm, good listeners and are almost totally into the relationship with others.

The conformers Task-oriented and steady, they are perceived by others as analytical, detail-oriented and are by-the-book.

When you practice the principle of seeing John Brown through John Brown’s eyes, you can understand how each type operates. To see John Brown through John Brown’s eyes, simply accept people’s style for what it is and don’t be competitive. Put yourself in their shoes so that you can get a feel for how they feel. As you begin practicing more empathy with others, you will understand that people do things differently and that is what keeps relationships so challenging. Soon you’ll be in a position to translate empathy into the secret motivation formula of giving and then getting.