Selling Power Magazine Article

You probably recognize the signs that you’re clicking with someone you just met: the smile, the eye contact, even the mirrored body language. But can you create that same sort of click if you’re not in the same room? Can you use such electronic tools as telephones, email, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, not to merely sustain your social connections, but to actually deepen them?
 

“Absolutely,” says Dr. Rick Kirschner, author of How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life (Hyperion, 2011). “But using phones, email, and social-networking sites requires a different set of techniques. There’s no substitute for face-to-face interaction, but it isn’t always possible to meet everyone in person. A phone or computer can facilitate a connection, but it’s still up to the salesperson to make the interaction click.”
 

Kirschner cautions that one of the dangers of electronic interactions – especially when writing emails and using certain social-networking sites – is that communication can become so casual that it borders on being unprofessional or even rude. “Even when the medium changes,” he says, “you have to remember, this is still business and certain rules apply.”
 

To help you click better in your next electronic communication, Kirschner offers the following tips.

TELEPHONE CALLS


“The problem with the phone comes down to three words,” Kirschner says, “shortened attention span. While clients and prospects are talking to you, they’re also surfing the Internet, or their cell phone is ringing, and people are coming in and out of their office. You have to help them focus.”
 

• Ask if it’s a good time to talk. It may sound obvious, but showing respect for the other person’s time is one of the easiest ways to get the conversation off to a good start. “Either schedule the call in advance, or ask, ‘Do you have five minutes?’ before you begin,” says Kirschner. “It gives your clients or prospects an idea of how long you expect the call to take, which actually keeps their attention levels higher.”
 

• Hold off on the hold button. “When you tell people to hold, you’re telling them to wait,” says Kirschner, “and nobody likes to wait. If we’re at the bank and standing in line, at least we can see how many people are in front of us, and that’s calming information. But someone holding on the phone has no idea when you’ll get back to him or her, and that’s stressful and off-putting. It sets the conversation up for difficulty before you begin.” 
 

• Match the other person’s energy level and conversational style. “Paying attention to someone’s speaking patterns and vocabulary choices is the phone equivalent of picking up on body language,” says Kirschner. “Some people have a lot of inflection in their voice, and others are kind of flat. Some people talk simply and plainly, and others use more flowery language. Some people ramble on, while others use short, directive sentences. The point is, if they talk a certain way, it’s because they think that way, and you need to connect with their style. Some fields have a certain jargon, such as the medical field, where people may start speaking Latin. You’ll need to speak literally the same language.”
 

And if the other person’s style is subdued or laid back, don’t overwhelm him or her with your intensity. “In order to be good at sales, you have to have a lot of energy,” says Kirschner, “and most people just aren’t vibrating on the same frequency as your typical salesperson. I once had someone ask me, “Can you calm down a little bit? I’m having trouble following what you’re saying.’ So don’t imagine that you can pump enthusiasm into people if that’s not their communication style. Instead, echo their own styles back to them. This will actually help them think more deeply about what you’re saying.”

EMAIL


“The danger with email is that you can write and send it really fast,” says Kirschner, “and we all have a story about that email we wish we could get back.”
 

• Be polite. “Add a little formality,” advises Kirschner. “The subject line, the greeting, and the signature are all part of the long communication history of business letters. They signal respect and create a framework around the exchange, making it more solid and meaningful. So take the time to explain what the correspondence is about in the subject line, and add a polite greeting and signature.”
 

• Be brief. “Email works best as a way to communicate specific information,” says Kirschner, “to set up a meeting, verify some numbers, or exchange some other sort of facts. If the subject you’re covering is more complex, pick up the phone.”
 

• Avoid emotion. “If feelings are involved, email is the wrong tool,” says Kirschner. “Som
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etimes a salesperson knows there’s a disagreement or that a client is upset, so he or she may actually hide behind an email stream to avoid directly talking to the person. But you can’t comfort an upset person or start to rebuild trust via email.”

SOCIAL NETWORKING


“I recently read an article that asserted that people who thrive on social-networking sites tend to have narcissistic personalities,” Kirschner says with a laugh. “So keep in mind that the goal is to reach out to other people, not toot your own horn.”
 

• Don’t ask for favors. “Some people build their whole social-networking presence around what they want other people to do for them,” says Kirschner, “buy this, click here, listen to what just happened to me. The best use of social sites is to start conversations, to create interactions, not to endlessly hype yourself or your product.”
 

• Know when enough is enough. “A little self-promotion goes a long way,” says Kirschner. “If you find yourself always tweeting, trying to build the number of fans on your Facebook page, or directing people to your Website, take your foot off the gas once in a while. It’s very easy to fatigue your listeners and create a backlash, and then they won’t listen to anything you say.”
 

• Become a resource. “The best use of social networking is to share resources and information,” says Kirschner. “Some people have actually started using the term ‘curator,’ like a curator in a museum, to refer to people who have become online experts on certain topics and are willing to share that expertise with others. For example, I study communication, so if you follow me on Twitter or join my Facebook page, I’ll direct you to the latest findings on that subject. You don’t have to read through a hundred pages of information looking for the one or two helpful nuggets. I’ll do that work for you and pass along only the cream-of-the-crop information. Developing expertise and sharing it, as well as participating in and helping to facilitate conversations on the subjects you care about, is the true best use of social media.”
 
So how to do you click electronically? By using the new media to enforce some old-fashioned values: Be polite. Help others. Respect people’s time. Listen. Talk about others instead of yourself. And give it time.
 

Says Kirschner, “The speed of electronic communication is a bit misleading if it makes us feel we can somehow accelerate the tasks of building relationships or even skip over those tasks completely. Resist the temptation to try and make everything happen at once. Because whether they’re conducted face-to-face or electronically, relationships still develop over time. And clicking is still a result of shared values and trust.”